India, New Zealand both unhappy with Stuart Binny axing

While Indian cricket fans rejoiced and celebrated the news with sweets and firecrackers, India and New Zealand players were reportedly upset with the news.

Stuart Binny dropped from the Indian team. Yes, since Monday, you have been reading it right. The occurrence may be as rare as spotting a yeti, but this has happened for real! If you thought you will rejoice. Take a deep breath and read ahead.

In an unexpected turn of events on Monday, the selection committee decided to give ace all-rounder Binny a snub for the upcoming test series versus New Zealand. While Indian cricket fans rejoiced and celebrated the news with sweets and firecrackers, India and New Zealand players were reportedly upset with the news. Kane Williamson, the New Zealand captain who has been a part of Sunrisers Hyderabad franchise and picked up a few Hindi words from Shikhar Dhawan was overheard saying, “I was expecting some mehman nawazi from Indians but by dropping Binny they have missed a chance to bestow their bounty on us!”

Australian all-rounder Glenn Maxwell, who had earlier voiced concern over the quality of pitches for Nagpur Test against South Africa, even going to an extent of calling it ‘diabolical’, once again voiced his opinion.

“It’s a conspiracy by all sub continent teams. First, they make rank turners and then they don’t even provide us with bowlers like Stuart Binny. How can you expect the matches to be competitive then?” sighed Maxwell, who was last seen belting the Sri Lankan bowlers all over the park.

While the disappointment in the visitor camp was justified, it looked baffling to see Virat Kohli and his men also visibly rattled with the news. The writer who had gone for his hair transplant treatment at a parlour accidentally met captain Virat Kohli who had come for his hair and make-up.

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When asked why the Indian team was unhappy with the news of Binny’s sacking, Kohli revealed, “See, there is an advantage of having someone like Binny in the side. Whenever we lose, all the blame falls upon his shoulders and our faces are saved. Now, since Binny is not there in the team the burden of loss would fall upon the shoulders of other players and I being the captain will also have to bear the brunt if by mistake we lose a match and that too at home! Why do you think Mahi bhai carried the burden called Rohit Sharma all these years? The reason was simple. If we lost the match, Rohit would be trolled. These days, Mahi bhai doesn’t have the luxury privilege since Rohit strikes the ball pretty well in coloured clothes.”

Worse…

Actress Anushka Sharma is already busy building a safe house and is contemplating deleting her Twitter account. A dejected Anushka informed us, “Now that Binny is out of the team, they would not troll Mayanti. I fear that I will once again become the national punching bag! Why lord, why?”

Unaware of the fact that the troll axe could well fall on him, Jadeja was seen performing garba, as thought he was the only all-rounder in the team till he came across his spin partner Ravichandran Ashwin, who performed a typical John Cena feat, “You can’t see me?”

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

[Dr. Devashish Palkar is a sports aficionado, news addict and a patient of OCSD ( Obsessive Compulsive Satirical Disorder)].